2026 is going to be the year I train myself in the art of "not giving a fuck..."

[springsodas]

... Within reason.

The reason I wish to train myself in the art of not giving a fuck is simple: I struggle with people pleasing. Being a people pleaser absolutely sucks. For me, my people pleasing tendencies are fueled by two things: I am afraid of people seeing me in a negative light and I am afraid of being rejected as a result. Ergo, in order to ensure that I am as well-liked as possible and unlikely to be rejected by others... well what do I do?

• I don't do a lot to assert myself
• I don't set a lot of personal boundaries
• Unless the someone is genuinely being an asshole, I have difficulty telling people "no."
• Excessive apologies, even when no apology is needed
• Taking the blame for something going wrong, even when I am in no way to blame
• Bottling up my opinions--specifically negative/controversial opinions--because I'm afraid of either being attacked or seen as a killjoy/asshole/hater.
• Being flaky even when I do state my opinions (IE I say one thing, the person disagrees with me, I go back and realign my opinion so that, while it may not necessarily be the same as theirs, it is still acceptable.)

Basically, I spend pretty much all my time accommodating the needs of others while completely neglecting my own because I'm desperate to avoid social damnation, which isn't healthy in the slightest. Like goddamn, I realized a few months back that part of the reason I struggle with rumination IE getting stuck on a recurring thought is because I sometimes avoid vocalizing my thoughts, usually because the thing that's bothering me is either A) Something petty B) Not particularly important or C) Both. Which, c'mon, it's within human nature to complain. As long as I'm not hurting anyone or making a habit of it, I should be allowed to groan every now and again about The Thing, whatever it is.

This obviously doesn't mean I'm going to stop giving fucks entirely. I've got important responsibilities as an adult and there are many people I love and care about who I want to support, never mind it really does feel nicer to be kind and considerate to others rather than rude and mean. (Plus I am a human being who does make mistakes from time to time, and taking responsibility for my actions, apologizing, and learning from said mistake is the only way to grow and become a better person.) But goddamn, it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone and I don't think people realize how suffocating it can be to constantly self-censor yourself just because you're afraid of coming across as mean/whiny. More importantly, having firm boundaries is important because I do not want to let myself become a pushover--not asserting yourself is the fastest way to ending up in a toxic relationship where your friend/partner is constantly exploiting you and I'm not about to let anyone take advantage of me because I was unable to say "no."

Anyway, tl;dr: In training myself to not give a fuck, I am hoping to become a reasonably more authentic version of myself. It might be a little more petty/complain-y, but at least I won't be an anxious wreck constantly second-guessing every social interaction I have because I'm afraid of being disliked/hated. (Especially because, well, I know there are plenty of people out there who already dislike/hate me. It's the internet, damn it.)

Comments

Yes ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> 2026 is going to be the year I train myself in the art of "not giving a fuck..."<<

That's an excellent goal.

I have a previous post you might find useful:

How to Care Less About What People Think

The Alternatives page at goals_on_dw has resources for saying no and not doing things.

It may help to look for ways to chip away at the problem, rather than trying to do everything at once.